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Erin Esurance deserves her own show

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

I'm eagerly awaiting the new season of LOST and I got to thinking about Erin Esurance.

Lately I’ve been ruminating on how attractive she is. She just looks very approachable, and not in that 'I boil rabbits' sort of way. Other than her lithe little body and pink hair(which is a wig and part of her disguise), she looks pretty normal.

Just because the Geico Caveman got his own show and got poor reviews, is not a valid reason to deny Erin Esurance the same opportunity. I think she is deserving of her own series.

The Geico Caveman was successful in commercials because we could all relate to being slighted in the same way the Caveman is. All of us have experienced some level of prejudice in one form or another. However, if you watched the commercials, so much is conveyed non-verbally, in facial expression or body gestures. At their best, these commercials served up bite size morsels of humor. To drag this level of subtle communication out to 22 minutes (minus commercials) is an insurmountable task. On top of that, Geico, the source of the Caveman, can’t put Caveman commercials into the show because then the show would be confused for the commercial. If I’m not mistaken, some of the same actors are participating in both.

Other corporate insurance mascots have their own degree of appeal. I think the Geico lizard is very cute. But what can you do with him? He’s not very appealing beyond his accent.

And what about the Mutual of Omaha Indian? He seems pretty grumpy, but I guess I would be too if some foreign power took all my land and relegated me to some small portion of it, drove my people to alcoholism and then forced me into the casino business. If it's not a tire in the river making them sad, it's something else that is equally unjust.

And looking at the logo of Prudential, it's just a rock. What's fun about a rock? I remember the 'Pet Rock' fad of the seventies. Can you believe that the Pet Rock made that guy a millionaire? Imagine if he had hooked up with Prudential and marketed their rock.

However, you get a fresh start with Erin Esurance. First of all she's easy on the eyes. She's sexy in a very innocent way. And we know her task is to defeat a bunch of different nefarious bad guys. Be it a giant robot or some evil scientists, we can see her conflict visually. With the Cavemen, the conflict is prejudice, not some actual physically realized antagonist. With Cavemen, prejudice, as a plot device is simply not visually interesting. For example, if instead of Cavemen, it was a group of black guys suffering instead of Neanderthals, it would be equally uninteresting. I mean conceivably, you could have a reality show that was based on the concept of 'driving while black' and see how black people are treated by cops, but that would be pretty depressing.

Erin Esurance gives writers a chance to create plots that involve all aspects of her life. She would need balance her duties as a special agent with normal life as a young woman. She is attractive, so she would appeal to that 18-36 year old male demographic. The fact that she is a cartoon would be non-threatening to female viewers. It's not like my wife could justify being pissed at me if I fantasize about Erin. Also, while she is thin, she isn’t anorexic, nor are her breasts excessively huge for her frame. This would also help to stymie the problems of distored body image prevalent among plastic surgery addicts and teen girls, and perhaps get them to exercise more.

As Erin seems to have a clear moral compass, she presents a good role model for the children. She is athletic, in that she plays many sports such as basketball, baseball, hockey and snowboarding to name a few. This would help combat obesity, which is a plague upon our youth.

She is cultured and has an interest in art as well as singing with her band. This would help draw in the American Idol/So You Think You Can Dance demographic. She is outdoorsy and not in a Birkenstock/Granola/Body Hair is Okay sort of way. This will also help the children get outside more. In addition, she actively campaigns on issues of climate change and the environment.

She can be a secret agent performing her duties for truth, justice and the American way. There wouldn’t be any real world conflicts for her to deal with such as the quagmire of bad intelligence and war our country is actually in. She can actually help America feel better about itself by being righteous and just. She can be a mirror for what Americans want to see in themselves.

In comparison to other animated series, such as Family Guy and the Simpsons, these shows are centered around a stupid father. This same character foible is evident in commercials like HR Block where the wife makes her husband talk to a cardboard box. Is this how we want our women to treat us? Are the majority of American men so beaten down by their wives that they are viewed as being dumb?

Look at how long the Simpsons has been on TV. Look at how Family Guy was resurrected from cancellation. Erin Esurance has the opportunity to be the next animated series with M*A*S*H-like longevity. Look at 'Friends' and tell me that crap was fully justified.

Whenever there is a TV series with attractive people, there is always going to be some sex involved. Let's face it, a TV show that was based on sexual abstince would be about as popular as a prom queen with leprosy. Since this is an animated series, sexual activity can and should occur as a normal healthy activity. As a spy, sex is part of the job. So the moral crusaders who want to eliminate sex from television cannot argue against her behavior if it's part her job description. Since Erin is animated, there won’t be any annoying interviews on Extra or Entertainment Tonight about those ‘scandalous’ love scenes, that they always ask real life actors about. No one pesters Seth McFarlane about Peter and Lois going at it. If there is nudity, there won’t be any danger of financial repercussion from the FCC. I would find it hard for the FCC to inflict a $1.4 million dollar fine on animated bare female buttocks classifying them as a sexual organ. Besides, who would want to watch the Geico Caveman getting it on? The very fact that the word 'Brazillian' is even part of the English language would be indicative of America's desire for less hair, not more hair.

Speaking of sex, you would never have to put the series on hiatus when the lead voice actress gets pregnant. It would be unnecessary for her to carry stuff around to conceal her baby bump as this would be an animated series. In addition, the only person who might even be concerned with cartoon sexuality is Hillary Clinton. It’s not likely that we will need to worry about her in the near future.

Similarly since this series would be a long commercial for Esurance, you would need to use commercials for other products. Since Erin is healthy person she probably looks after her weight, Nutrisystem or South Beach Diet could be a product she could endorse. Of course she would have an exercise regimen, I’m sure Denise Austin or Bodybuilding.com could recommend something. She doesn’t wear glasses so perhaps she might endorse 1800CONTACTS.com. There are a lot of possibilities here.

So I hope that the powers that be won’t be bitter about the chilly critical and public reception to Caveman and let that reflect on Erin. Through no fault of her own, she simply happens to be in the same celebrity endorsement arena.

She can defeat all manner of robots and despicable creatures. Killing robots and zombies and such should illicit no protests from people against violence on TV. She can pilot numerous vehicles from motorcycles to race cars. I think that the public still longs for a regular dose of hot women, cool robots and fast cars. Transformers and Speed Racer are evidence of this.

Erin Esurance is the cartoon hottie of the future. I would much rather watch Erin Esurance than the random deluded warblers on American Idol.