My wife works at a call center for a large bank. As part of her job she answers questions for employees of the bank, not customers. She analyzes collateral to help underwriters either approve or decline loan deals. The collateral also determines the interest rate of the loan. Unfortunately, she deals with some bankers who don’t understand basic office procedures or simple banking concepts.

She lamented to me, “I wish I could hit a button and tase some of these people.”

So I designed a taser-phone for her. If, at anytime she feels like she is talking to a dipshit, WHAMMO! A Charge of 0.3 joules is sent remotely over the phone line! It’s not enough to cause cardiac ventricular fibrillation, but more than enough to zap some sense into the person on the other line.

She furnished me with a list of some things people have said to her:

1. In response to “the loan was opened last June”... the banker said, ”Is that this month?” Call was made in Feb.
2. After returning a bankers phone call she says to me “I’m not ready to talk to you, please call back after my meeting.” And then hung up without saying when her meeting was.
3. Banker did not give her name or fax number but wanted a fax back from us. When she called back to find out why she hadn’t gotten the fax yet I told her she didn’t send us a cover sheet with the banker information on it. She stated “we don’t have forms like that yet, they are still being made.” HUH?? So you can’t write your name, phone, and fax on a piece of paper?
4. Can I send you the customer’s original tax returns? Please make a copy of them and send the originals back. I will provide a return envelope. 210 pages is too much for us to copy. (so you want us to do your work for you since we obviously have more time to copy the customers info here instead?????)
5. Underwriter, “When do you want to close?” (regarding customers signing docs)
   Banker, “We’re already closed, it’s after 6pm.”
6. In response to an underwriter asking for a copy of the purchase order on an auto…”do you want me to fax you the original or a copy?”

And my very favorite:

7. “YOUR NOT MEXICAN... YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND!!!

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Nick IP:151.151.21.104 | 2008-02-06 19:29:58 This is just beautiful! Reply | Quote

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